Wednesday, May 7, 2008

5 Love Languages for Children

This book has been a good parenting resource for me lately. It's about showing children love in different ways: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. All children need all forms but the book suggests that children (and everyone) has one or two primary languages that speak most clearly to them. It gives guides for figuring out which is your child's primary love language and ideas for expressing it. This is what I've concluded about our family:
PHYSICAL TOUCH--This is definitely one of Kate's because when she gets mad she likes to scoop up Cannon before running off and hiding so she can have a little someone to love up. Even if she is really upset she will not turn you down if you tell her to "Come here so I can hold you."
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION-- I think this is Brynn's. She loves to dress up and put on dance shows. She flits around the room and says, "Pretend I won the prize for being the best dancer in the world" She just loves us to ooh and aah over all of her moves and say things like, "Wow, I wish I could dance as good as that girl with the pink tutu!!" Ditto for Adrie.
QUALITY TIME--This has to be Adrie's. She is constantly asking me to play barbies or do a puzzle with her or read this Disney bedtime version of Cinderella that is so long we might as well watch the movie.
GIFTS-- Kate loves to find some of her old treasures, put them in a fancy gift bag, throw a few suckers from the candy jar in there, maybe some stickers, write a note and deliver it to a lucky little recipient in the neighborhood. This must be her way of saying, if "Everyone must love to get gifts as much as I do... Mom, when can you buy me my own TV?"
ACTS OF SERVICE-- Brynn often makes requests, such as: Can you put batteries in my Pixel Chix car (which still won't work if I do because Adrie played with it in the bathtub.) Can you sew up my Webkins puppy (whose bean bag guts came out of the stitching in its stomach 2 days after she got it.) Brynn really appreciates when you do little things for her like help her make her bed or pick out a show-n-tell thing for preschool.
BD's love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. I would say mine are: all of them--ha! I'm pretty high maintenance. You can take the poll and see which one or two love languages you think speak best to you.


cold cocoa said...

Fun post. Russell and I took a class at BYU that talked about these love languages but I never thought about it in reference to kids. I'll have to think about that. I think mine changes for each stage of life. Gifts are always good though- I won't discourage that. But I love it when the house is clean since you're always working against the grain with kids around. So if Russell sweeps or picks up when I'm gone it is a gift from above.

Megz said...

It really depends on my day--lately I'd have to say the acts of service make me feel most loved. But I also feel loved when you buy me things...And who can't love a sincere compliment? I think I'm like you and just need them all. But I don't like massages unless I have a sore muscle. (Don't all men speak the language of PT?)

T said...

I had this whole comment written out that was witty and self-revealing and all that - and my computer lost it somewhere in the ether.

To sum up - 1st is quality time (I never get it, so I crave it) 2nd is a tie between acts of service and gifts. 3rd goes to words of affirmation (hmm, I think I changed between now and my last comment) and coming in last is probably physical touch... no reflection on any spouses there - It's the non-family physical touches that freak me out, a needy hugger at church gets me running for the door quick and the idea of paying for a full body massage is like dentistry (expensive torture).

I think I'll make Trevor take the quiz with me... though he's a gift boy if there ever was one, we just need to find something else!

Sher said...

Hmm. I don't know. I'm with Laura and think I'm rather high maintenance and I need them all. Maybe words of affirmation come first. Sometimes I feel the need to be reassured that I am really loved, and a good person, etc. in words. I'm rather a huggy person -- at least with Der (who thinks it's a bit amusing sometimes), and quality time is nice, and when someone does some of the housework besides me -- without me nagging them -- I love it AND I like a thoughtful gift. I'll have to think about Der and the kids.